I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
