here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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