from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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