Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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