i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
