Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
