Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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