So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
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