I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
