We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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