OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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