There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.