im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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