Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.