I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.