Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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