I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize