My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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