Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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