Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
