first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
