Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
