her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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