Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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