Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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