if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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