2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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