you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
