my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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