in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
