Sry I called you an 8
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i wish my penis had a tongue
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
