Tell her she can't have a vagina
her vagine was all disorganized.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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