I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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