Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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