question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
