party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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