i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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