She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
