if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
