As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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