goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
