I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
