tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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