i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
