what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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