Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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