Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
