I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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