She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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