dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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