I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
