Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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