um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
