somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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