you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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