May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You were trust falling into bushes
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
