Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
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She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
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The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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