I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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