I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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