I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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