i think my tv is drunk
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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