Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
