There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I intend to get homeless drunk
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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