it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
porn star boner night. come get it.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
