Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
