im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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