I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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