At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
