Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
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