Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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