Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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