I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
