youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
