i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
