one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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