First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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