pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
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