I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
