It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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