She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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